Organizations Supporting Dads-to-Be
We've compiled a list of trusted organizations who help educate, connect and resource you for your surrogacy journey. Explore our top picks here:
As the leading resource for gay, bi, and trans dads-to-be, Gays With Kids offers a wealth of information and support to hopeful fathers across the globe. A great place to start? Exploring their in-depth Guide to Gay Surrogacy or attending a free webinar to learn more.
Hosting regular conferences for gay men pursuing surrogacy across the globe, Men Having Babies serves as an incredible resource for dads-to-be wanting to learn more about surrogacy, connect with agencies and healthcare providers and much more.
Their Gay Parenting Assistance Program (GPAP) also provides substantial financial assistance to eligible fathers-to-be! Learn more about GPAP here.
Offering a robust variety of tools and support, Family Equality's mission is to advance equality for ALL families. They host educational and recreational events, connect LGBTQ+ people through their network of national family groups, create family-building resources and are on the forefront of advocacy efforts impacting the community.
That's us! We are proud to serve as an educational resource and starting point for men having babies around the world. In partnership with Connecticut and New York-based clinic Illume Fertility, the team at Gay Parents To Be is passionate about helping LGBTQ+ folks build the family of their dreams through support, education, community and more.
Learn more about our partner clinic Illume Fertility!
With peer and professionally-led support groups, online communities, educational resources and more, RESOLVE advocates for access to fertility care for all, and supports all paths to parenthood.
This surrogacy and egg donation agency has been one of our trusted partners for many years, and offers some great FAQ answers regarding surrogacy, as well as detailed information about IVF, the surrogacy process and gay parenting.
They also frequently host informational webinars featuring real dads' surrogacy stories, which is a great opportunity to learn about the process!
Note: Men Having Babies also has a great list of LGBTQ-focused books (for both dads and kids) that focus on surrogacy and same-sex parents. Worth checking out!
The Importance of Community
On this unique path to parenthood, you may feel isolated or unsure about how to connect with others on similar journeys.
As tempting as it may be to want to keep your head down and not put in the effort to establish new relationships, creating a sense of community can make a huge difference as you navigate this often challenging (and lengthy) family-building process.
We encourage you to explore peer support groups (either virtual or in-person), conferences like Men Having Babies, speak with a counselor or simply share what you're going through with trusted family or friends.
The road to baby can be a long trek for some dads-to-be, with disappointments, frustrations and roadblocks along the way. Having a solid support network to remind you of why you're doing this and help you get through the tough parts can make all the difference.
4 Ways to Connect with Other Dads-to-Be
As mentioned above, there are lots of ways to find peer support on your journey! Here are a few of our favorites:
- Attend conferences like Men Having Babies to connect with professionals, clinics and other dads-to-be
- Find a peer support group like those offered by RESOLVE, Illume Fertility, or Family Equality
- Watch webinars, read books and listen to podcasts to discover new resources
- Contact your community's local LGBTQ+ center to see if they have any groups or resources for parents
Gestational Surrogacy FAQs
If you've chosen surrogacy as your pathway to parenthood, it's only natural to have lots of questions. There are a lot of legal, logistical, financial and other considerations dads-to-be must take into account when planning a surrogacy journey - and not all of the answers are easy to find.
Here we've compiled a list of some of the most commonly asked questions about surrogacy.
Have a question not answered here? Reach out to us!
Which should I find first - an egg donor or a surrogate?
You can search for an egg donor and a surrogate (also called a gestational carrier, or GC) at the same time. Usually, it takes less time to find an egg donor and create your embryos. If you find the surrogate first, you may need to pay to keep her on hold while you select a donor and embryos are created.
How long does the surrogacy process take?
While each step of the surrogacy process can take a varying amount of time, depending on your availability, the time it takes to choose your egg donor and gestational carrier, financial resources, and other factors that may be personal to you, the average total length of a surrogacy journey is anywhere from 15 to 24 months.
What type of testing is necessary before we start IVF treatment?
Due to FDA regulations, bloodwork may be necessary at the time of semen collection for the IVF procedure. In addition, two specific physical exams will be required to be filled out by your primary care provider. If one or both partners have an infectious disease, such as HIV, you will be referred to a special lab for semen processing.
You will also typically meet with a licensed clinical social worker and a genetic counselor prior to starting IVF.
Should I use a surrogacy agency or find a surrogate myself?
To cut costs, many patients think about looking for a surrogate/gestational carrier on their own. Using an agency is always recommended because they specialize in finding suitable gestational carriers and help to streamline the rigorous screening process.
Agencies are also experienced in finding a personality match with the intended parents!
What is the difference between a surrogate and a gestational carrier?
While both terms can be used interchangeably, traditional surrogacy involved a woman who both carried the pregnancy and also supplied the egg.
In more modern surrogacy arrangements, the gestational carrier carries the pregnancy but does not supply the egg. Through IVF, the intended parents’ own sperm and donor egg (or donor sperm and donor egg) are combined and transferred into the gestational carrier’s uterus.
How are gestational carriers (surrogates) screened?
Gestational carriers (GCs) have their physical and mental health reviewed. Women are tested for gynecologic health associated with the uterus, as well as infectious diseases. Psychological counseling with our mental health professionals is completed to make sure the gestational carrier understands the process.
Once you are near signing with your gestational carrier, a background check and home study may be required.
Can I choose an egg donor I know personally or do I need to work through an agency?
You can choose a donor you know! Some intended parents already have an egg donor in mind, such as a sister, cousin or a good friend. This donor’s medical profile will be presented to our medical and support team to determine her suitability as a donor.
Screenings will be performed in the same way as with unknown donors.
Can we choose a surrogate we know personally? If not, how do we go about finding a surrogate?
Yes, you may choose to use a friend or relative as a surrogate/gestational carrier. If you use an unknown surrogate there are multiple agencies available to assist you through the process.
Women who qualify to be surrogates/gestational carriers are those who have had a previous uncomplicated pregnancy and delivery. They must also be medically and emotionally healthy and demonstrate financial stability. It is required that all parties meet with an attorney, as well as one of our mental health professionals, to ensure awareness of this responsibility.
Can we use both my partner’s and my sperm?
Yes, sperm can be split between eggs to create embryos that are genetically-related to each partner if desired.
More Resources for Men Having Babies
In addition to the amazing organizations and resources listed above, we encourage you to explore the following articles to learn more about surrogacy and read surrogacy stories from real LGBTQ+ dads who have been there.
With so much information being thrown at you as you navigate surrogacy, sometimes the best thing to do is simply remember WHY you're doing it - and reading through other families' stories can help provide some great perspective.
Read Surrogacy Stories
- An International Surrogacy Journey | Doug & Sanjay's Story
- Creating Our Multicultural Family | Alo & Javi's Story
Twin Surrogacy Journeys
- A Lifelong Dream of Twins | Dan & Adam's Story
- A Special Surrogacy Journey to Twins | Adeel & Anthony's Story
Unique Surrogacy Perspectives
More Surrogacy Experiences
- Practicing Patience On Our Path to Fatherhood | Keith & Kevin's Story
- Broadway Husbands Become Broadway Dads (Part 1)
- Broadway Husbands Become Broadway Dads (Part 2)
- Our First Father's Day as Dads-to-Be: Eric & Artemio's Story
- Maintaining the Surrogate Relationship | Robbie & Mackenzy's Story
- Becoming Dads During a Pandemic | Tyler & Eric's Story
- Tim & Steve's Surrogacy Journey
- Becoming Dads Through Surrogacy | Peter & Luis's Story
Learn More About Surrogacy
- Will I Have to Travel During My Surrogacy Journey?
- Where Should Dads Look to Find the Right Egg Donor?
- For Gay Dads Starting Surrogacy, How Do You Choose Whose Sperm to Use?
- The Surrogacy Process: A Step By Step Guide for Gay Men
- What Should I Expect at My Embryo Transfer? | For Gay Couples
- Can I Ask My Surrogate To Follow a Special Diet?
- Why is Surrogacy for Same-Sex Couples So Expensive?
- How Do I Find a Surrogate?
- LGBTQ Parenthood & Legal Protection