Before I write this letter to you (all out there sitting on your couches, just like I am currently sitting on my couch), I typically reflect on a recent blog or news article to get my creative juices flowing. I sit down at my laptop, and I try to write something timely or helpful - preferably both, and preferably related to LGBTQ+ family building. I’m not sure whether it’s the grey January weather here in New England, or the crazy year we’re having so far, but when I tried to use my Voice this month, I got stuck on one phrase. The phrase was “when you’re ready to start your family” - as in, “as we all move forward in the new year, let us know when you’re ready to start your family.”
I got stuck because I wondered, is anyone ever ready to start a family? I think there is a time in many of our lives when we yearn for children, or desire the warmth of a family. Many of you may be feeling that right now - you may be ready to start a family through biological family building (IUI, IVF, or surrogacy). This might be the first time that you’re considering scheduling a fertility consultation - if so, that’s amazing! Welcome. Feel free to email me if you have questions about any step in the process - I can’t wait to hear from you.
But this could also be the second, or the fifth, or the tenth time that you’re thinking about family building - and haven’t felt ready. Maybe you’ve already had a consultation appointment, and opted to not move forward because you weren’t ready. Maybe you had to save up for the financial effort that is LGBTQ+ family building. Maybe the world just seemed a little bit too crazy to add another thing to worry about into the mix (hello, 2020...and 2021).
Maybe you were waiting for the right job, or the right city to live in, or the right insurance coverage, or the right moment. Maybe this is that moment - but, on the other hand, maybe it’s ok that it’s not, and that you move forward anyway.
One of my favorite things that Dr. Leondires (our founder, RMA of CT medical director, a dad to two sons, and a huge Star Wars fan) often impresses upon me and his patients is this: “LGBTQ+ parenting is so intentional.” It isn’t accidental - most of the time it can’t be accidental. Becoming a parent as a member of the LGBTQ+ community is an intentional pathway, one that requires more than a little persistence.
I know that it can take a while to make some of the life changing decisions that are involved in the LGBTQ+ family building process. I know that it can seem like you’re never going to feel ready - but I also know that you’re not alone, even if you do feel that way.
If you’re ready to start your family, we’re here to help. And if you’re not ready, we’re still here for you - because moving forward starts with a single step.
How to understand the definition of infertility for the LGBTQ+ community
How to choose a fertility practice
What to expect from your first consultation, and how to make the most of it
Different parenting pathways for LGBTQ+ singles & couples
Why it’s still important to complete fertility testing, even if you don’t think you’re infertile
Why you need more than a 23andMe test
No matter where you are in the process, the downloadable guide linked in this article is a great resource to keep for your next meeting with a family building provider.
🌈For Dads-To-Be
As coupled dads-to-be begin the surrogacy process, one of the main questions that they ask is, “Whose sperm do we use?” The answer is - it’s really up to you! Through modern IVF technology we have the ability to complete a surrogacy journey with one or two sperm sources. Learn more about the science and the sentiment behind this important decision in this blog.
Want to learn more about the surrogacy process for dads? Sign up for a free surrogacy webinar next week!
🌈For Parents-To-Be
One of my favorite things to do in The Voice is to share with you some of the awesome questions that our team is answering over on RMA of CT’s social media. Today’s share is this new series, called Ask Monica. Monica Moore is one of our amazing Nurse Practitioners and a health coach here at RMA of Connecticut, and she’s worked with us for over 17 years! She really knows her stuff (and also knows how to explain complicated things in an uncomplicated way).
Our Ask Monica videos will be almost like a “Dear Abby” column - we'll crowd-source questions from real patients about family building and fertility treatment, and then Monica will answer them! In this first video, Monica answers a very common question about the embryo transfer process. We'd love to answer your questions! Check out this page to submit your questions (which can even be done anonymously!) for Ask to Monica today.
P.S. Monica is also a huge help to our third party team, reviewing important records for patients, donors, and gestational carriers. Go Monica!
A Question For You 🤔
One last thing - our mission here at Gay Parents To Be and RMA of Connecticut is to make family building more accessible for everyone. One aspect of the family building process that our internal team wants to demystify is the data around fertility clinics, and choosing the best one for your journey.
If you’re considering a fertility clinic, you’ve likely done some research online about success rates and statistics, and have probably found the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology website. We commend SART for offering this amazing resource of data, but we admit that it can be challenging to interpret (and we work at a fertility clinic!)
As we try to understand more about this information and its impact on clinic choice, please let us know if you used SART data to choose your clinic, and what some of the things were that helped you decide. You can reply directly to this email, comment on this post, or shoot us a DM. Did you find the SART website easy to use? (If so, kudos, and can you teach me how to SART?)
Thank you so much for helping us in our quest to demystify data and help more families!
It's A Date 🗓️
This month, we're bringing surrogacy to your screen - with the help of a few friends. Check out the events below to learn more about the LGBTQ+ parenting process from a team of experts.
We're teaming up with Circle Surrogacy to bring you a Surrogacy 101 course from the comfort of your living room. Plus, a panel of experts that includes some dads who have actually been through the process themselves. Sign up now.
(psst stay tuned for Part 2 of this webinar series - a deep dive into the psychology and financial aspects of surrogacy).
Living in the U.K. and interested in becoming a dad through surrogacy? In this webinar we'll cover the basics of doing an overseas surrogacy journey and what that entails, here in the United States.
That's all, folks!
If you think of something more that you want to see here, or anywhere that you find Gay Parents To Be, you can respond to this email or drop me a line directly at emma@gayparentstobe.com 💌
🌈Emma - Editor-In-Chief,
Gay Parents To Be
She/her/hers
Gay Parents To Be, 21 E 52nd Street, New York, NY 10022, 203-956-2266